TSOL014 – Willy’s Wonderland

Steve: [00:00:00] Warning, 30 Screams or Less may contain spoilers about movies that have recently been released. If you haven’t seen the movie, go watch it, come back and enjoy the show. Or, if you don’t want to waste your time watching the movie and rather have two random horror dudes, watch it for you. We got you covered as well.

Steve: Welcome everyone to 30 Screams or Less, a horror movie podcast. Will we review horror movies in 30 minutes or less so you don’t have to. Yeah. Yeah. Obviously y’all don’t know what the hell we were just talking about, [00:01:00] but we were just doing James Hetfield impersonations right before this. I was trying to do the intro Corey was doing Yeah. The whole

Corey: Yeah.

Steve: Yeah. Okay. Yeah. Now that that’s out of the way, everyone. Today we’re going to actually review a movie that’s called Willie’s Wonderland.

It’s directed by Kevin Lewis, written by G O Parsons, starring the one, the only Nicholas Cage or Nick Cage. Does he go by now? I don’t know. It’s like interchangeable. Emily Tosta and Beth Grant. So the movie’s about a quiet drifter tricked into a janitorial job. At a now condemned Willie’s wonderland, the mundane tasks suddenly become an all out fight for survival against wave after wave of demonic animatronic.

Fist fly kicks, land titans clash. And only one side will make it out alive. That is, yay. That’s, that’s the plot for this movie. Yay. Oh, okay. [00:02:00] So every time we think something’s awesome, this whole episode, just throw in a yay. Okay. I did wanna let everyone know the puppets that are in this fucking movie.

We got Willie Weasel, Artie Alligator, Cammy Chameleon, Ozzie Ostrich, Nighty Knight, Tito Turtle, Gus Gorilla and Siren Sarah. Siren and Sarah, I think is nightmare fuel for me, by the way.

Corey: How the, did you get all these names down?

Steve: Google baby.

Corey: Oh, okay. You cheated. All right.

Steve: Oh yeah. I cheated. I didn’t remember those names. Kidding me? I was like, I let someone else do the.

Corey: Yeah, I was about to give you credit for doing that, but fuck you.

Steve: Oh, fuck me. All right. Well I should have just rolled with it, but, so 30 screams are less starts now. Corey, what did you think of Willie’s Wonderland?

Corey: Well, at first when I saw this movie, I was about to tell you we need to stop taking requests because I absolutely fucking hated it for a while. But it picked up. Our friends, Corey and Ryan recommended we watch this movie and do an episode about it. So we finally did. [00:03:00] And it’s simmered.

I had to simmer on this one for a little bit, but I actually did enjoy it.

Steve: Oh, okay. So like a slow burn, nice little simmer, like you’re making a nice little sauce with this movie.

Corey: Yeah.

Steve: Yeah. Jesus. So, I liked it pretty much right away. I thought it was very interesting, Nicholas Cage, being completely mute in it. He didn’t say a single word in this whole entire movie, and it’s like one of the first things I noticed when I was watching this I thought to myself, where the hell’s his dialogue?

He’s got no dialogue. He’s probably like, I get paid by the word, and they’re just like, all right, well, we can’t pay you anymore.

Corey: So I was thinking the, quite the opposite. I mean, Nick Cage really doesn’t say no to anything anyways. But yeah, I bet they offered him a bunch of money and told him that he didn’t have to say a fucking word and he was like, sign me up.

Steve: Yeah, sign me the fuck up. Be in a movie, not say a single thing, not butcher the opening or nothing. I’ll take that job nine times out of 10, I’ll take that job.

Corey: Yeah, for sure. And like, I was a little [00:04:00] salty that this ended up being another movie about puppets because Benny Loves You. Fucked me over once already. So

Steve: More puppet movies. Yeah, that’s right.

Corey: This one definitely redeemed my anger.

Steve: Or it’s puppets. Makes sense. Well, yeah, we just need to make sure we’re not reviewing the Chucky remake or the child’s play remake.

Corey: No.

Steve: No. No. You know, that’s funny you bring that up about Nicholas Cage basically taking on anything because he’s basic. He’s killing it in the indie horror game. He’s in Mandy Willie’s Wonderland, mom and dad.

I’m sure he is in others that I just can’t name of off the top of my head, but these are all clearly indie movies. And I don’t know if he’s just gotta makes, pay some debts. Who knows? But he’s starting in these ridiculous movies that aren’t distributed by big theaters.

Corey: I know dude, he like went batshit, literally batshit insane for a while, and now he’s just doing these weird movies. He went from, making blockbusters in the theaters and now he’s making [00:05:00] these little low key bangers.

Steve: Yeah, and that’s exactly what I think they are. A lot of ’em are low key bangers and they have no promotion, nothing. You just kind of find out about them and then you’re like, fuck Nicholas Cages in this. Fuck, this is actually pretty decent. And speaking of, indie movie this movie was a serious bomb, by the way.

It had a $5 million budget and only made 400,000 at the box office. And naturally, when I hear that cult classic.

Corey: Was this in theaters or like how did it bomb?

Steve: The budget is $5 million and they only made 400,000 back, that’s a loss my friend.

Corey: Yeah, I know, but how, like, does it just bomb on streaming? Like

Steve: no way. Yeah, it had to debut in some like independent theaters, because it didn’t have a crazy wide release. Clearly. So these independent theaters are taking on movies like this, obviously Willy’s Wonderland and Blood and Honey and, Christmas Bloody Christmas.

They take on these [00:06:00] movies and they have ’em in like select theaters. But I think maybe that’s what happened in this case. It was only at a few theaters, they raked in $400,000 and then it went to streaming, which I think on streaming it did way better. I’m sure.

Corey: Where is it even streaming?

Steve: Right now it’s streaming on Hulu, so if you wanna check it out, it’s on Hulu. I like Hulu. I think it’s an underrated service. They’ve got so many shows on it, but they’re really kicking into high gear in the movie game.

Cuz I think they’re actually even starting to make their own movies too.

Corey: Yeah, try to compete with Netflix, who’s losing all their subscribers anyway.

Steve: Try to compete with everyone. There’s a streaming service for everything now. Shit. I’m sure that McDonald’s is gonna have a streaming service soon.

Corey: What would McDonald’s even show on their network other than like old school cartoons of all the characters? Like the hamburger.

Steve: Yeah. Ham,

Corey: the hamburger his own show.

Steve: The hamburger has a sitcom. It’s like a family sitcom, like Married With Children. He’s a reformed [00:07:00] prisoner cuz he’s been stealing burgers the whole time. And now he’s a family man. Now he’s trying to get back into normal society.

Corey: Wait. I like that. I like that, but I have a better idea.

Steve: Go for it.

Corey: So we contact the guy who made the Winnie the Poo movie

Steve: Yep.

Corey: And get him to make a horror movie with all of that old school McDonald’s characters.

Steve: Oh my God.

Corey: Like a slasher. They’re all pissed off that people are going and eating with Wendy’s and Burger King

Steve: Oh, geez. Could you imagine it? And also they’re probably pissed off because they all got unemployed by McDonald’s. McDonald’s doesn’t even have any of those characters anymore as far as I’m aware. Like they tried to, they tried to do away with it.

Corey: Or what if Ronald McDonald’s is just like a slasher and he is trying to kill all the old people, like Officer Big Mac, Birdie The Early Bird, and Hamburglar.

Steve: Yeah, and I would, I’d watch that movie. I would definitely watch that movie with Grimace. Yeah, of course. I don’t even know what Grimace is. He looks like one of those freaking candies you get on Halloween, you go, ah, I’m all set.

Corey: Yeah, he’s like a Barney. [00:08:00] He’s a little purple people Eater.

Steve: Little purple people leader. Yeah, that’s Barney.

Corey: All right. I like this.

Steve: Yeah, I, alright. I like these ideas. I think we need to come up with our own movies and our own production company. Let’s make it happen.

Corey: Well, I mean, we’re putting this podcast out into the universe, so someone’s gonna steal this.

Steve: Of course, someone’s gonna steal the idea. Hell, we already came up with ideas and they just get implemented somehow like Chimaira when we were like, ah, we would love to see that band. And then a few days later, came true.

Corey: Yeah. Mark Hunter, we’re still waiting for our check.

Steve: Yeah, I’m sure he was, fuck. But I would love to go to that. Probably not gonna happen. I’m already going on too many vacations

Corey: There’s a such thing as too many vacations.

Steve: In my world, I guess.

Corey: Wolf. Wolf, look to you. Fucking Mr. Big Shot.

Steve: Mr. Big Man, I’m going to Vegas three times this year.

Corey: Why?

Steve: Why not?

Corey: Yeah. True.

Steve: Okay. I think we need to get back on

Corey: Don’t forget to drink your beans while you’re there.

Steve: I’ll make sure. I’ll make sure to drink my beans in the desert for you. Pound of [00:09:00] can of beans. Good to go.

Corey: Yeah. Yeah.

Steve: Yeah. Okay. So I didn’t even get into the beginning of this movie.

We were just talking about how awesome Nicholas Cage is, and we just went into this whole rant about McDonald’s and independent movies, us creating an independent movie based on it. But

Corey: I guess it’s time we get back to the subject.

Steve: Yeah, let’s get it back to the subject at hand. The funny thing about this, even though it was a bomb, 60% critic score on Rotten Tomatoes, 68% audience, not bad.

It’s certified fresh. In that case, I mean, a D is still passing. So I think that’s what happened here. I think it’s good. But basically the movie, if you don’t know, starts off with a couple getting killed in Willie’s Wonderland, pretty much doing the same thing that Nicholas Cage’s character the Drifter will be doing later on in the film.

So it basically starts off there. What happens is Nicholas Cage, the drifter driving around in his sick ass car, pounding his punch sodas. His tires get blown out by one of those, highway strips. The strips that cops usually throw [00:10:00] down when they’re trying to stop people from, causing a fucking high speed pursuit.

Corey: So, dude, I gota sidetrack here when he was driving that car and he hit the spike trap. I was like, is Nicholas Cage driving to fucking Alcatraz right now?

Steve: Yeah.

Corey: Dude, that is another classic Nicholas Cage movie. It’s like my favorite Nicholas Cage movie of all time.

Steve: You’re talking about The Rock, right?

Corey: Absolutely.

Steve: Fucking great movie. Great, great movie. There’s amazing quotes in it and everything. Nicholas Cage has a lot of bangers. Let’s be honest here.

Corey: Losers always try their best winners. Go home and get to fuck the prom queen.

Steve: Yeah, Darla was the prom queen. That’s what he says too. I love that

Corey: Rest in peace. Sean Connery.

Steve: Yeah. Ah, Sean Connery.

Corey: Wait, he did shit the bed, right?

Steve: Oh, did he?

Corey: Yeah.

Steve: I gotta look that up. I should not be looking that you looked that up. You’re, you have two hands. I still have one.

Corey: Yeah, he died three years ago.

Steve: Oh God. Rest in peace, Sean Connery.

Corey: You [00:11:00] really didn’t know that.

Steve: Maybe it just slipped my mind.

Corey: That’s gotta be your old age.

Steve: Well, yeah, so I guess what we’re gonna have to do is when I’m in the desert, I’ll pour one out for Sean Connery pound some beans and continue on with my life.

Corey: Just don’t get dehydrated and die in the desert.

Steve: Well, I guess I’ve said it before. You have to make dew, I’m sure there’s some form of liquid in Bush’s baked beans.

Corey: Yeah. I’m sure there’s some water in there.

Steve: Yeah, there’s something. There’s

Corey: I mean, Kevin Costner drank his own piss in Water World and survived. So I’m sure you can drink beans and survive.

Steve: He filtered it and it’s sterile.

Corey: True. So filter your beans.

Steve: Filter your beans and they’ll be sterile.

Corey: Yep.

Steve: It’ll be good. Okay, so he blows his tires out through those, spike strips. He gets his, car tow, the mechanic’s like, I can get you what you need, but it’s gonna be X amount of money and it’s gonna be a day. If you need a place to stay, I have a deal for you and I’ll do your tire for free, whatever.

And you just have to clean this place up. So we don’t know how he actually [00:12:00] agreed to it because he didn’t talk at all the whole entire thing.

Corey: He shook his head. He like nodded yes.

Steve: He just nodded. Yes. Okay. He just nodded. Yeah. So fucking stone cold, cool ass Nicholas Cage. Just nodding his head yes. And taking on the job of going into Willy’s Wonderland and cleaning it.

Now he’s into Willy’s Wonderland and he’s cleaning the place up and he starts to see a little movement from the animatronics. Not like the movement you would normally see at like Chucky cheese or something where it’s on autopilot and then it’s just like, it’s your birthday and we’re here to have some fun.

It’s just he noticed.

Corey: Wow.

Steve: Yeah, I’ve watched it twice, and the song gets stuck in your head.

Corey: It really is. I wrote that in my notes how catchy that birthday song is.

Steve: It’s a very catchy one. Chuck E. Cheese is fucking up. They need something way catchier than that.

Corey: I don’t even know if Chuck E. Cheese has creepy characters anymore.

Steve: Oh, they do there’s one by me.

Corey: Really?

Steve: Yeah.

Corey: Do you frequent it?

Steve: I can’t, I can’t frequent it

Corey: Are you on a

Steve: it’s not,[00:13:00] I’m not on a list What

Corey: Sure. Why can’t you frequent it?

Steve: Because in order to step foot in a Chuck E. Cheese, you need to have a kid in tow.

Corey: So go get one.

Steve: I’m not just gonna go pick up a kid and go, Hey, let’s go to Chuck E. Cheeses. That’s how people get arrested.

Corey: Okay. I learned something new today.

Steve: Mm-hmm.

Corey: I didn’t know there was a stipulation to go and eat pizza. You know, you can, DoorDash, Chucky cheese.

Steve: Why the hell would anyone want a DoorDash, Chuck E. Cheese?

Corey: I don’t know, but it’s a thing. Apparently they have good pizza.

Steve: Okay. I mean, there’s also that thing too, where apparently they combine unused pizza. Have you heard of that?

Corey: What do they do? Used food, blend it together.

Steve: Yeah. Used food. Exactly.

Corey: Oh, we’re doing this shit again.

Steve: We’re drinking all sorts of callbacks.

Corey: Used vomit.

Steve: Use vomit. Oh God, no. So what I heard was that their pizzas are irregular. So if you look at it, it looks like everything’s kind of out of place. Like none of the slices line up. So people are saying that Chuck E. [00:14:00] Cheese takes the leftover slices that aren’t used and makes pizzas again.

Corey: Well, I mean, don’t waste food, I guess.

Steve: Hey, they’re being, conscious about food and waste prevention. That’s one way to

think of

Corey: them.

Steve: Good for them. Good for

Corey: for them being conscious of the environment

Steve: Yep.

Corey: On this dying planet.

Steve: Yeah. Checks cheeses ahead of the game. On waste management. Let me tell you.

Corey: Well, I don’t know what to say, man. They should have like taken cues from this movie.

Steve: They should have, this movie’s doing it all right in the freaking the children, game place. Game?

Corey: I wonder if the director used that as influence.

Steve: Honestly, I wouldn’t be surprised the slightest bit. Cause do you know any other places that are like Chuck E. Cheese?

Corey: No. No. You’re right, man. That place terrorized me as a kid.

Steve: Really. Okay. We need info here. We need the story.

Corey: There’s really no context to it. I mean, the characters are fucking creepy as you’re, under 10 years old or however we were, we used to go to places like this,

Steve: Mm-hmm.

Corey: And you always, do you ever find like some kid shit in the ball pit?[00:15:00]

Steve: Oh, of course. That’s a pretty standard move.

Corey: All right. So that didn’t just happen to me, so that’s what I’m talking about. It’s fucking traumatizing.

Steve: That’s like a wrestling finisher move for kids.

Corey: These days, you’re probably gotta worry about finding like a hypodermic needle or some shit inside of it.

Steve: God, you’re right. I’m hoping kids aren’t shooting up or anything, but other drug users who are probably bringing kids in just so they can hang out, then yeah, maybe.

Corey: Yeah, it’s possible.

Steve: Absolutely possible. I hate the idea. You have to think that’s a possible thing. But this is society now. This is, Yep. This is the world we live in now. Getting hypodermic needles in ball pits, might as well just make it a razor wire pit or something. I don’t know.

Corey: And people do it because sometimes they think it’s funny, they’ll just like toss a needle in there.

Steve: It’s not funny. It’s not funny at all.

Corey: No, like I said, the world we live in.

Steve: Yep, that’s true. But, you know what was funny too about this movie? I actually alluded to it when he was driving, he drank so much of this fucking drink, this punch drink. Did you see how many of those he was crushing?

Corey: Yeah, [00:16:00] he was drinking him constantly and I spent like most of the movie trying to figure out what the can said. I think it said a ton of caffeine straight to your kisser.

Steve: Oh, yes it did.

Corey: So this Man was just pounding caffeine for an hour and a half straight.

Steve: Yeah, he had have these random breaks that he had set on his watch, his watch would go off X amount of time. Even if he’s in the middle of a fight. He’s like, oh, I gotta go on my break and pound, his freaking energy drink, or his energy soda, and then get back to work.

Corey: So I couldn’t figure out if the timer on his watch was four of those drinks, or if he was taking pinball breaks, like organized pinball breaks.

Steve: Oh, I’m thinking organized pinball breaks because dude, he was a pinball wizard.

Corey: He, he really was. So, It’s funny, whereas I was at Corey’s house the other day, my friend who recommended this movie, and he is like, you should do this movie. There’s this really crazy pinball scene in it. That one at the end where he starts dancing while he is playing pinball.

Steve: Oh yeah.

Corey: I was like, oh yeah, this is podcast material.

Steve: Oh, absolutely. It’s entertainment for [00:17:00] days. It’s a fun movie. It’s a great fun movie. And there’s a lot to talk about with it. That scene alone where he’s just, going ballistic on the pinball machine. He’s dancing and he gets past that million score and it goes into the negatives and he throws his arm up in the air. I’m like, that’s fucking awesome.

Corey: Yep. It’s got pinball and dead kids. Fits the mold.

Steve: Uh, back to dead kids. This time a lot of dead kids.

Corey: Yep. A lot

Steve: But

A lot of ’em so a backstory is these animatronics, they all have serial killers inside them. So Willie Weasel was like the main serial killer and that serial killer worked at Willie’s Wonderland.

So what happened was this serial killer would dress up as Willie and get people into this back room for a special party, and he would kill. The family and the kid, and that was like his mo And it got to become so easy for him[00:18:00] that he got other serial killers in there to work. And they all just kept doing this.

And then one day the place was raided. The serial killers, they had like a pentagram in the middle of the floor. They drank the fucking punch to, mass unliving and a ritual happened where they transferred their souls into these animatronics. That’s how all of this lunacy is happening.

Corey: So I love that about this movie that, that small detail there with. These weren’t just murderous puppets. They had serial killers, trapped inside their bodies. There was a story to it. It wasn’t like say Benny loves you, or whatever that trash was called where the character just was a puppet that killed people. And we didn’t know how it happened, how the puppet got these, motivations.

Steve: Yeah, I honestly can’t remember how Benny became so monstrous, but at least we have an idea as to why it’s happening with these animatronics.

Corey: So, again, it was basically like a Chucky, because Chucky had, Charles Lee Ray got trapped inside of a doll [00:19:00] who was a serial killer.

Steve: Yeah, it’s exactly like that. So the director and the writer, they were clearly drawing influence from Chuck E. Cheese and no pun intended, Chucky. So they prob they probably just took all that and they’re like, all right, let’s make our own with kind of this concept.

So yeah, they went with like the whole voodoo thing. It wasn’t voodoo for this, but it was, some sort of satanic pledge type deal. That’s what I’m gathering. If you’re gonna have a mass unliving and a pentagram on the ground with like candles and stuff, pretty much is more of a satanic thing. Speaking of Brad Dourif, by the way, I went through a Critters binge last night. I watched one through four. He’s in the fourth one, by the way. It sucks.

Corey: I don’t know if I’ve ever watched any of those Critter movies. I just remember like that big one.

Steve: Oh, yeah. That’s the main event right there. When the, all the critters gathered together and turned into a super ball. And just freaking mow people down as they’re rolling.

Corey: Wait, is that a movie or are they, television shows?

Steve: Oh, it’s a movie. It’s a whole [00:20:00]

Corey: four fucking Movies yesterday.

Steve: Yeah.

Corey: Woof.

Steve: It was the whole collection. I’m like, all right, let’s fucking do it. And

Corey: Those on shutter?

Steve: They were on Tubi.

Corey: Okay.

Steve: Yeah. It’s a free service, man. I know you don’t like ads, but hey, there’s tons of stuff in there.

Corey: I got ways to wash stuff without ads.

Steve: That’s true that you do. So, funny thing, critters three, one of the main actors in it, Leonardo DiCaprio

Corey: Woo-hoo, baby Leo.

Steve: Baby Leo, his first movie role

Corey: Was this before Titanic? Oh yeah, obviously.

Steve: Way before Titanic. Yeah.

Corey: Before floating door.

Steve: Yep. So I was watching it. I’m like, that’s a future Oscar winner right there.

Corey: That’s crazy that’s what he became.

Steve: Yeah, I know. It’s wild. So yeah, tons of dead kids. Willie was killing them. All the sacrifice, whatever you wanna call it, ritual happened and now the serial killers are in the animatronic bodies.

Corey: I love how like the first time that, we’ll call, he was actually, he did have a name in the movie, the Janitor Nicholas Cage. The first time he fought one of these things, he just was super casual about [00:21:00] it and just beat it to death with a mop handle.

Steve: I know, right?

Corey: What the fuck? Like, he had done this before,

Steve: Yeah. Just a normal day at the office for Nick Cage.

Corey: So Yeah, I thought that was pretty awesome. How he was super casual about it. Very Nick Cage, like.

Steve: Yep. Very uh.

Corey: So he fights, what was it? The ostrich was the first character he fought?

Steve: Yes, it was.

Corey: And the ostrich scratched him in the face. And after Nick Cage murders the ostrich, he just gets this massive gash on his face.

And then he just fucking takes a piece of duct tape and duct tapes. The wound closed. What a man.

Steve: What? Yeah. What a man. Right. Fucking just beats the shit out of him. Puts duct tape on his face, goes back to work.

Corey: And then he fucking curb stomps another one of them on a porcelain toilet. Dude, that hurt me like I was cringing at that part.

Steve: You know what hurt me about that part was that he just cleaned that whole entire thing and then when he did the curb stomp to the toilet, like just a giant mess. He has to undo [00:22:00] all of his work, like redo everything, like the whole bathroom.

Corey: Why was he so good at cleaning?

Steve: I don’t know, like, I

Corey: And why was he himself always so clean?

Steve: Oh, yeah, yeah. Well, he kept changing his shirt, the owner of Willie’s Wonderland showed him where the shirts were, so every time he got his shirt dirty, he just put on a new one.

Corey: They gave him one shirt. I don’t remember him ever changing shirts.

Steve: I thought I remember him changing shirts. Maybe I’m mistaken, but

Corey: Maybe I am, maybe I am.

Steve: I’ll have to go back and watch her for a third time and be like, okay, yep. That’s what happened,

Corey: I’m kind of drunk right now, so maybe, uh, you’re right and I’m wrong.

Steve: Maybe.

what are

Corey: you made me wait to start this piece of shit, so

Steve: Yeah, I know it’s gonna be a weird podcast this time, but at least we’re having fun.

Corey: Yeah, for sure.

Steve: Yeah. Well, yeah, everyone, what happened was it was just a series of annoying things that were preventing me from recording the podcast. That’s what was happening.

Corey: Yeah. You moved into this nice place and the podcast suffered because of it.

Steve: Yep, exactly. I moved into a real nice place [00:23:00] and the wifi is shit.

Corey: Yep.

You need To get that fixed so we can, stop dealing with this shit. We were here for like, what, 45 minutes before you got your shit situated.

Steve: Yep. Sounds about right. Fucking mess. I just gotta kick all my neighbors out so I can have more bandwidth.

Corey: Just steal their wifi.

Steve: Yeah, exactly. I

Corey: They might have better wifi than you.

Steve: They might, but hey, I’m rocking wifi six. I don’t know what the fuck they’re running, but apparently I’m like a struggle bus.

Corey: Yeah, I thought you like upgraded recently.

Steve: Yeah, yeah. Definitely upgraded. It’s like freaking upgraded as much as possible, but I don’t know.

Corey: Need, we need a studio, is what we need.

Steve: I’ll take that idea. I want that idea.

Corey: Yep.

We’ll Get we’ll get there eventually.

Steve: Yeah, we’ll get there and that way we can actually have guests come in and we’ll do our podcast.

Corey: Once we sell enough coffee mugs, we will have a studio.

Steve: Yeah, that’s right. Everyone I’ve been starting to make, uh, some merchandise, so be on the lookout for that. Maybe some shirts, maybe some cups. I think. Uh, it’s coming soon. I think it’s coming real soon.

Corey: Yeah, [00:24:00] we’ve got some ideas, so people have been asking for it, so we’ll see if they actually come through and buy this shit.

Steve: Oh, I know, right. Hey, what’s not the love about coffee mugs though?

Corey: I forget her name, but the one that’s suggested it she lives in Canada.

Steve: Oh, no shit.

Corey: And she listens to us every week.

Steve: We’re worldwide now.

Corey: But Canada doesn’t count. Sorry. Sorry. Edit

Steve: Edit! Canada Counts. I love Canada,

Corey: Canadia.

Steve: Canadia. I’m gonna throw in a Canadian national anthem right over this.

Corey: I will quit this. No, I’m just kidding. There’s nothing wrong with the Canadian national Anthem. Don’t fucking cancel me.

Steve: There’s nothing wrong with Canada at all. I

Corey: Nothing. Nothing.

Steve: Nothing at all. Love going there. I’ve been there a whole bunch of times.

Corey: Just once for me.

Steve: Oh yeah, you need to get going there a few more times.

Corey: Yeah, for sure. I gotta get my passport renewed first.

Steve: Oh, that’s an idea.

Corey: Yeah, I don’t want to get like detained.

Steve: Yeah, that’s happened to me before.

Corey: You, just smuggle some drugs up your butt.

Steve: No, but there is a story that does coincide [00:25:00] with smuggling drugs.

Corey: I feel like I’ve heard this story. It doesn’t have to do with Sean.

Steve: No, it has to do with my ex guitarist, Josh. So he had a Maine license to grow medical marijuana and when we decided to go on tour, he friggin had this crazy amount of weed on us.

It must have been half an ounce or an ounce. I don’t know. I’m not good when it comes to judging how much is too much weed, but I know that there was too much weed in that van. For us, there was so much weed that we actually had to stop and leave it on the side of the road so that way we could get over the Canadian border. It was too much. If we

Corey: A pallet of weed in the woods and picked it up on The way back.

Steve: Nope. We left it underneath a tree with a bowl and a note and said, have fun.

Corey: Did you really?

Steve: Yeah.

Corey: I hope someone found that and it just didn’t become part of the earth.

Steve: Oh, I hope so too. That would’ve been great. It was during that time I got conjunctivitis us on tour. I was in the hospital trying to get medication. The rest of the [00:26:00] guys are trying to smoke as much weed as humanly possible before we go into Canada. And they were gone. They were so unbelievably gone that they’re just like, we can’t smoke anymore. We can’t do it. They were.

Corey: It was like a real life Super troopers.

Steve: Yeah. They’re just like, I can’t do it anymore. So that happened. And on our way back from Canada, we cleaned the shit out of this van. There’s nothing in it there’s no weed, there’s no nothing that could bring up suspicions.

So we get to the American border cuz we’re coming back from Canada and they stop us. They stopped us for four hours saying that they found a stem in the van. And they tried interrogating all of us. None of us would bunch. We’re like, we don’t know what you’re talking about. And then my guitarist Josh finally fessed up like, oh yeah, I actually have this card here, this growing card.

I don’t know if this helps. And they’re like, you could fucking go. And I’m thinking to myself, I’ve been sitting in, what is it? Customs. Customs for four hours when you could have just threw up your medical growing card and they would’ve let you go right [00:27:00] away. Like, thank you.

Corey: God, I remember Josh. I didn’t know that was all his fault. For some reason I thought it was Shaun’s.

Steve: Nope. Nah, Josh a good dude, but holy shit. That’s a story. That’s like a story I love telling, but again,

Corey: This, is this the same? Is this the same murder van we took to New Jersey?

Steve: Yes, it’s the murder van, same murder van.

Corey: That’s, there’s some stories of that van.

Steve: I don’t know why it’s called, it’s called the murder van now because it’s almost involved in frigging a fatal accident, almost like we almost were there. I,

Corey: A little backstory on that one.

Steve: I’ll give a little back story so people don’t think I’m a homicidal maniac. Driving around a van like, Kurt Russell in, um, No, not that one.

Not the one where he’s, riding a freaking wave. It’s the movies that Quintin Tarantino and, Robert Rodriguez put out.

Corey: Oh, Grindhouse.

Steve: Grindhouse Yes. Grindhouse Planet Terror and Death Proof.

Corey: Yep. Okay.

Steve: Yeah, the movie Death Proof, he was driving, in death proof.

But yeah, I’m not a death proof type situation. I’m no Stuntman Mike, [00:28:00] nothing like that. What happened was we were on our way back from a wrestling event and we were driving Ron Van Burgundy, or as Corey likes to call it, the murder van. And it must have been three in the morning, four in the morning, maybe.

I was dead tired because we just decided to drive back the same night, so it’s four in the morning. I’m like, I need a fucking nap. I’m exhausted. So I pull over for 15 minutes, take a quick power nap, leave, and as we’re driving, all of a sudden we get stuck a couple cars back from what looks like an accident. And we find out that someone was hit by a car and died on the road, and we were just a couple cars back. We couldn’t see the body because the cops were already there at that point. But if I didn’t take that 15 minute nap, we probably could have been a part of that whole thing.

Corey: Yeah, a hundred percent. We might have pancaked that guy in the highway.

Steve: Oh my God. I, I don’t know how, if I could live with myself, if I freaking ran over someone with that van, they would’ve exploded.

Corey: Yep. Context. That’s a 15 person passenger van. It’s like a fucking mini bus

Steve: Exactly.

Corey: We [00:29:00] drove to New Jersey back in the same day.

Steve: Fucking crazy. That was crazy. But yeah, that’s apparently the murder van.

Corey: Yep. So that’s the backstory of the murder van. Now we’ll get back to the movie.

Steve: Yeah, let’s get back to it because, hey, there is an accident at the end of this movie where a freaking animatronic gets killed. So, hey, we’re on brand here.

Corey: Yeah, we’re keeping with it.

Steve: We’re keeping with it. It’s staying there. So yeah, we’ve already talked about plenty of dead kids. By the way, the fairy in it, one of those animatronics pure nightmare fuel, in my opinion.

Corey: I don’t know. I wasn’t that, turned off by it because you could tell it was a human just wearing a fairy head. It just looked like the mask was a little scary. But yeah, I thought that the fairy was kind of corny. I know it gave you nightmares, but.

Steve: It was. I just saw she was so creepy looking. I just didn’t like it. I didn’t like it. It was freaky.

Corey: You know what was freaky when Nick Cage was sanding his fingernails.

Steve: Oh my god. Uh, can’t do that. Eyes, teeth, nails. Can’t do it.

Corey: Yep. He did it with precision, but it was still kind of, [00:30:00] Cringeworthy.

Steve: Oh yeah.

Corey: So back to that, back to the car accident. So the turtle, right? So the turtle was highway.

Steve: Yeah.

Corey: You notice, did you notice that one of the cops that was just laying on the ground, you could see his breath in the cold air?

Steve: Oh, I didn’t see that.

Corey: Yeah. After he got killed or quote unquote killed, you know when you’re outside and you breathe in the cold, you can see your breath.

Steve: Uh, yep. I smell a continuity error.

Corey: Yeah, you could see the cop’s breath while he was laying on the ground playing dead.

Steve: oh God. Hey, maybe they can say, Hey, that’s just the leftover air that’s still in the cop’s lungs. He’s dead, but it’s leftover.

Corey: Uh, yeah, we’ll go with that. I don’t wanna ruin it.

Steve: Yeah. We’ll go with that. We’ll just leave it like that. So I actually didn’t even notice that. I’ll have to go back and watch it a third time and see.

Corey: Yeah, just go to that part.

Steve: Yeah. And you know what I’ve realized we weren’t doing this whole time.

Corey: Don’t tell me you haven’t been recording.

Steve: No, I’ve been recording. The timer.

Corey: Oh shit.

Steve: We don’t know how long we’ve been talking [00:31:00] for.

Corey: Feels like it’s been more than half an hour.

Steve: Oh yeah. It’s definitely has been more than a half hour, I’m sure.

Corey: Can’t we look at Mr. Fucking Nightmare, fuel himself and see how long this, it’s been recording.

Steve: Yeah, it looks like, 41 minutes, something like that.

Corey: Wow. Okay.

Steve: Yeah. So, um,

Corey: 43 minutes ago. Okay.

Steve: Yeah, something like that.

Corey: Okay.

Steve: So, I’m gonna go back to this real quick. Nicholas Cage, is just a badass. He’s an absolute badass. And in the movie, I love this quote from one of the teens. She says he’s not locked in there with them. They’re locked in there with him. That is a tongue twister, my friend. That’s such a badass quote though.

Corey: Yeah, I loved it

Steve: Yep. I love

Corey: that. Yeah.

Steve: It was just like, yes, he is. He is an absolute badass. But we need to give people a backstory too on how this was able to go on for so long.

So when it came to, Willie’s wonderland. The cops knew that the serial killers were in these animatronics. So they were [00:32:00] getting people and having them come in voluntarily and being sacrificed to these serial killers to keep them at bay. So this kept happening until obviously, The janitor, the drifter, whoever you want to call ’em, Nicholas Cage, came in and decided to take everyone out.

But what happened was the sheriffs decided to take Nicholas Cage and put tie wraps on him behind his back. So making it easier, obviously, for him to be sacrificed to these animatronics. But Nicholas Cage being the badass he is. Still fights. One of these things actually fights two of them with his hands behind his back, and then he eventually rips these fucking tie wraps off like it’s nothing. And then just goes back to work.

Corey: Yeah. Nick Cage being Nick Cage.

Steve: Nick Cage being Nick Cage, just being a badass. But also, the sheriff being split in half. That was fantastic because I was sick of hearing her talk.

Corey: Oh yeah. Someone cut her in half, right?

Steve: Yeah. It was, [00:33:00] uh, Willie,

Corey: Oh, Willie.

Steve: Yep, she was trying to plead with Willie to let her live and she’s been helping him this whole time and he’s just straight up, cuts her in half.

Corey: Fucking beast.

Steve: Yeah, he’s a

Corey: She was annoying. The cop was annoying.

Steve: Oh yeah. And then naturally, the showdown between Nicholas Cage and Willie it was great.

Corey: Another one gets beat to death.

Steve: Yeah. Oh yeah. He got destroyed. He got his fucking head ripped off and everything. Willie’s toast. Willie’s done for, and I don’t see this. Getting a sequel. Nothing like that. I think everything’s pretty much wrapped up except for the fairy that I think is still around, but that’s about it. I don’t see her trying to get a bunch of other serial killers into animatronics. They’re just gonna be like, nah, we’re good.

Corey: No, the fairy blew herself up cuz she put the Molotov in the car.

Steve: That’s right. I freaking forgot about that because I thought she blew them up, but she fucking bounced, she didn’t stay there, but apparently, she did them maloff and they all died. I

Corey: I, I don’t think she survived that.

Steve: Yeah, I don’t think so either. She didn’t [00:34:00] survive initially from, being beat to shit by Nicholas Cage. But, in regards to that, I think you’re right. I think she was blowing up too. But last but not least, on this thing, the music. I thought the score was awesome.

Corey: Yeah, definitely, definitely a cool score. Very, eighties synth.

Steve: Oh man. And I’m a man who loves his eighties synth.

Corey: Yeah, it’s good shit. I liked it too.

Steve: It is great. Like whenever I’m working and I throw on some headphones, I’m putting on some 80 synth type shit.

Corey: I gotta see if they ever released that on vinyl, if anyone ever did.

Steve: Oh yeah. That’d be cool to have a vinyl. I don’t see why it wouldn’t be available, but uh,

Corey: It bombed.

Steve: Yeah, exactly. It bombed so hard, but like I said, it’s gonna be a cult classic. I think it already is becoming one. It’s like one of those films that not a lot of people know about. And if you know, you know, if you don’t know, someone’s gonna tell you you should check it out and you’re either gonna love it or you’re gonna think it’s the dumbest shit ever.

Corey: Yeah,

Steve: Yeah. Like you did, you thought it was dumb at first, but also I thought stepbrothers was dumb at first, [00:35:00] so we can change our minds. It’s fine.

Corey: Oh yeah, I’ll, I’ll, I’ll touch on that when we get to our reviews, our final star ratings,

Steve: Final star ratings. Okay. All right. Well, with that in mind then, Corey, what are you giving for a review?

Corey: So I’m actually gonna give this a five outta five dead kids. I

Steve: Wow. Okay.

Corey: I was ready to shit all over this movie after the credits rolled. I fucking hated it so much, but I thought about it a lot after it ended. And dude, this movie was so much fun. Like I was thinking about all the things that happened and it was super original.

It had everything I loved. It was fun, it was cheesy, and you absolutely cannot go wrong with a crazy Nicholas Cage because he’s basically just playing himself.

Steve: You know, you’re a hundred percent right and I had it at a four out of five. I don’t know why I have it at a four, outta five. I think I was just like, it’s not perfect. It’s not Forrest Gump or whatever. But I think I’m gonna come to your level on this one. I’m gonna give it a five Outta five too, because it’s why you watch horror movies or any movie [00:36:00] really, because it’s fun.

It’s a fun movie. It’s silly. It’s B-rated at its best. It’s Nicholas Cage, like you said, going crazy, being himself basically. And what’s not the love about this movie?

Corey: Being himself and literally not saying a word

Steve: Exactly. You don’t, you’re Nicholas Cage. You don’t need to say a word. You’re just there.

Corey: That’s saying a lot where you could like portray this character and yourself with no dialogue.

Steve: Yep. And people they’ll watch it. You know what I need for this? I need this movie on Steel book. That’s what I need. I want this on Blu-ray.

Corey: Is that not a thing?

Steve: I don’t know if it’s a thing. If it is a thing, I’m gonna buy it if it’s

Corey: I’ll buy it for you for Christmas.

Steve: Ah, okay. And I’ll buy you some nice vinyl or something.

Corey: All right, here we go. I like it.

Steve: Cool. Yeah, let’s do that. We’ll celebrate later on in the year with a 30 screams or Less, Christmas special.

Corey: Yeah. If we do that, that’ll be literally one year since we started doing this.

Steve: Oh fuck. You’re right. That’d be crazy. Right?

Corey: Yeah.

Steve: Shit, never thought I’d go on that long.

Corey: Yeah, me either, but we’re not there [00:37:00] yet.

Steve: No, we’re not the

Corey: Still some, so many months to go.

Steve: Wishful thinking. I don’t know. I like to be a positive person and be like, okay, we’re fine. We’re good

Corey: I like it.

Steve: We have so much fun doing this. We love doing this. But

Corey: For yourself.

Steve: Think for speak for yourself, moron.

Corey: Yeah.

Steve: Yeah. Yeah. Okay. I think we can, I think we can start wrapping it up. Some people are not like, fuck these guys talking about the whole time. So,

Corey: On almost everything this episode, and we didn’t even know how long we went.

Steve: No. We were just like, fuck it, we’re just gonna run with it. And

Corey: Someone forgot to set the timer.

Steve: If I’m not screwing up the beginning, I’m forgetting the timer. Oh my God.

Corey: Just fuck the whole point of this podcast. Like 30 minutes or less. We’re at like two hours now.

Steve: Not quite. I’m seeing 51 minutes. So that’s gonna be edited down. Edit.

Corey: Fuck it. You leave it.

Steve: Just leave the whole thing like,

Corey: Him some [00:38:00] bonus content.

Steve: I’ll give them that bonus content. Wait. Sounded weird.

Corey: Yeah. it did.

Steve: I’m not giving anyone that sweet bonus content.

Corey: Yeah

Steve: Yeah. No, OnlyFans here. All right, so I think we can wrap up finally, everyone, be sure to like, follow and subscribe on Facebook, Twitter, Instagram and YouTube, especially YouTube. We are starting to post a lot of our previous episodes up on this and some YouTube shorts, which I’ve been creating. Corey, you can attest to that.

Corey: What have you been doing?

Steve: The YouTube shorts or I’ve been creating reels as well.

Corey: Oh yeah, I saw the Bone Hawk one. That was funny.

Steve: Yeah, that was good. So I’ve been adding those on Instagram and YouTube, so definitely be sure to check out some more content later on. When it comes to video, leave us a five star review and whatnot on all podcast platforms so we can get some more exposure. And be sure to tell your friends.

Also, we are part of the Shining Wizards Network. Be sure to visit shiningwizardsnetwork.com and check out their whole lineup of shows. They got [00:39:00] all sorts of wrestling ones and other content, and not to mention your boys. 30 Your boys, also be sure to visit 30screamsorless.com for all previous episodes and transcripts to go with those episodes.

And if there’s anything you want us to review, send us an email through 30screamsorless@gmail.com or hit us up on social media, slide into our dms, all that good stuff. And also if you want to join in on the conversation, cuz we’re always posted on Instagram and Twitter, be sure to use the hashtag, #30screamsorless and we’ll chat it up and you can tell us what movies to review using that hashtag. All right, everyone. With that said, I’m Steve

Corey: I’m Corey

Steve: and thanks for listening to 30 Screams or Less.

[00:40:00]

Steve: I love Canada,

Corey: Canadia.

Steve: I’m gonna throw in a Canadian national anthem right over this.

Corey: I will quit this. No, I’m just kidding. There’s nothing wrong with the Canadian national Anthem. Don’t fucking cancel me.